Hypothetically, Be My Valentine

Valentine's Day sure isn't easy for a fella who wants to make a gesture, yet maintain plausible deniability. It pays to be bold.

About the most timid gesture I experienced on a Valentine's Day was when I was a teenager. I was getting ready to go somewhere and as I walking by the front window saw a car that was slowing down out by the mailbox. The driver, a young Japanese guy from Hawaii that I would see in church, put something in my mailbox and drove off. I went out and got it- a box of Hawaiian candy. It didn't even have a note on it saying who it was from. I went back in the house and said to my dad and brother something along the lines of "So-and-so just stuck this in the mailbox." I set it down on a chair and went back to my room to finish what I was doing. When I came back out again, the box was open and...EMPTY. My dad and brother were sprawled around the livingroom, chewing. They had gorged on the whole damn thing.

If I had eaten a piece of that candy, I might have had to ponder that guy for a moment. Instead, I looked at the chewing pie-holes of my dad and brother and pondered why the guys in my family were such pigs.

He should have been a little bit bolder.

UPDATE:
Forget candy. All and Sundry has found the perfect gifts for your Valentine! Men: what says "boldness" like a "Vagina Warrior" knit cap?