May 01, 2006

Why Retards Shouldn't Attempt Killing With Weapons

Good thing he wasn't wielding a wet noodle -- it would've taken a million lashes:

Shane Patterson of Bonita Springs is charged with second degree murder for allegedly trying to kill his girlfriend with a fork.

Just use that crazy strength of yours, Shane.

He said he'd considered soaking her fingers in Palmolive until they became so soft they fell off, thus causing her demise through a possible combination of blood loss, gangrene, and infection; but didn't know how much dishwashing liquid to buy.

Posted by floridacracker at May 1, 2006 11:20 AM

   



Comments

She's lucky he's so stupid.

Posted by: Becky at May 1, 2006 12:34 PM

Sure is. He's like the Darwin killer. I wonder if he thought of shoving pickled beets up her nose until she choked?

Posted by: Donnah at May 1, 2006 12:37 PM

Maybe he could try and suck all the blood out of her body with Bounty Towels...

Posted by: Mr. Bingley at May 1, 2006 02:10 PM

walks like Pee Wee, quacks like Pee Wee, uses a fork like Pee Wee..

I have to wonder about the victim though, I mean, if I got into an argument with *that* guy..I figure he would go straight for a fork.

Posted by: csason at May 1, 2006 03:49 PM

I'll say it now to get ahead of what will become the next "cause": When forks are outlawed, only outlaws will have forks.

Posted by: tfhr at May 1, 2006 04:20 PM

Boy, he coulda really forked her up!

Posted by: tree hugging sister at May 1, 2006 10:15 PM

That Bounty premise is actually pretty effective, Bingley: those super-aborbent tampons had a pretty good fatality rate.

Posted by: Donnah at May 1, 2006 11:14 PM