Wearing contacts because you don't want to be four-eyed, but still miss being a freak? You can have the best of both worlds by hanging things off them. Maybe one day Calvin Klein will develop a line of designer adhesive toilet paper that people can stick onto their shoes.
Those desiring to throw body modification into the mix can have platinum jewelry surgically implanted in the whites of their eyes. Not surprisingly, almost every opthamologist questioned said it was foolish and dangerous.
Proving that he had successfully passed on the type of poor decision-making gene that would lead one to marry Cher, two years ago rocker Gregg Allman's daughter Island became the first person in America to have the jewelry implanted. She said it would enhance her appearance and bring out her eyes.
Someone once noted that Nicole Brown Simpson's parents had four daughters who between them had eight breast implants and not a single college degree. I don't think Island's going to be joining the chess club any time soon.
Could we make it a provision of the law that anyone who opts for that surgery is sterilized?
Posted by: Mr. Bingley at May 18, 2006 08:09 AMI think it should be criminal for a surgeon to mutilate someone's eyeballs.
Posted by: Donnah at May 18, 2006 08:14 AMI bet I can make a million patenting a special forehead tattoo. It would come with “STUPID”, “FOOL” OR “VICTIM” done in the color of the idiots’ choice!
Do they make a glow in the dark ink that can only be seen at night? That would be like sooo kewl!!!
Oooh, even better: make it out of something that flouresces under a black light! Think how much the stoners would pay for that...
Posted by: Mr. Bingley at May 18, 2006 12:34 PMHoly, Gory, Gaudy, Goth Batman! Guess the TP thing actually could take off since this is how people process style. Hey - it's attention they guess. Replacement eyes are not available (yet?) stupid prevails as the mind function in use here.
Posted by: chrys at May 18, 2006 02:48 PM"In addition to enhancing my appearance, I think it will bring out my eyes that are blue," said Allman.
No, dear, it will remove all doubt as to your complete lack of intelligence.
I wear contacts but I can't even *look* at the hanger... Huge yuk factor.
Posted by: pam at May 18, 2006 05:13 PMGeez... Donnah, how do you find these things?
On a 1 to 10 gross-out scale, this "jewelry" is a 9.25.
Posted by: carl in Atlanta at May 18, 2006 07:59 PMgeez..now I regret buying the 'Win, Lose, or Draw' album..I can see the money went for nought.
Just wondering...Do any of the implants have lil messages on them ? Like "I'm with Stoopit" or
"I 'heart' New York" ?
Gregg's daughter should have one that says.."At least my name isn't Moon Unit"
Posted by: csason at May 19, 2006 06:54 AM" Geez... Donnah, how do you find these things?"
Hard work and a lot of clicking.
Posted by: Donnah at May 20, 2006 11:07 AM"the procedure costs $3,900 per eye"
Well, that should keep most of the eyes of the world pretty much safe. I guess that is why he invented this stuff hanging off of the contact lenses. lol, I can't imagine talking to someone with that crap hanging out of their eye. Hell, I'm still working on being able to talk to someone with one of those huge rings hanging out of their lip.
Posted by: beautymrgn at May 21, 2006 08:54 AMThe fun ones are the silver nose balls. I saw a guy with a big booger hanging out of his nose, then after a bit I realized it was jewelry. Probably not the look he was going for.
Posted by: Donnah at May 21, 2006 09:10 AM