December 27, 2006

Big Heist Goes Down With Clockwork Precision

They copied the part in "Ocean's Eleven" where George Clooney cleared a thicket of casino employees with a machete:

A machete-wielding man helped two cohorts escape from Wal-Mart after a bungled burglary Tuesday night.

The three men tried to steal 40 to 50-inch televisions in store carts at the Crawfordville store, 35 Mike Stewart Dr., about 10 p.m. The store was still open when the three men tried to run of the side fire exit with the goods in tow, Griner said. One of the men escaped with a TV, but two were confronted by employees. The man who got out came back with his machete and helped the others escape, Griner said.

A store employee followed the truck and wrote down the license-plate number.

The Alachua police broke up the criminal syndicate within minutes. There really should be a "nuisance robbery" category in the Florida Statutes.

Posted by floridacracker at December 27, 2006 11:05 AM

   



Comments

If only we would register and license machetes, tragedies like this would never happen.

Posted by: Harry Bergeron at December 27, 2006 12:27 PM

If it were MY Wal-Mart, I'd not only mine the fire exits, I'd establish a QRF (quick reaction force) using Wal-Mart greeters armed with weed-eaters! People would come for the show alone. Maybe this Army gig wasn't my true calling after all - maybe I should have been in business!

Posted by: tfhr at December 27, 2006 09:59 PM

There should be a machete ban. No good reason to have such a vicious weapon. You could sell them dull, but people would just sharpen them. Banning's the only solution.

Posted by: Donnah at December 27, 2006 10:12 PM

First they come for the machetes then the chain saws....until we're reduced to a nation of spork wielding softees unable to cut a steak, much less defend ourselves.

Posted by: tfhr at December 28, 2006 02:05 AM

Have you lost your mind? You could put out someone's eye with a spork. Whenever I open up the little plastic bag from McDonald's that has one, I always think 'That's blindness in a bag is what that is.'

Posted by: Donnah at December 28, 2006 02:11 AM

And since McDonald's doesn't sell steak, it should come as no surprise that they too are a part of the sinister machete-yielding conspiracy that threatens to leave us unarmed and unable to fight back against kudzu, Wal-Mart greeters, and other creeping vegetables.

I'm just glad I was able to deliver this warning in time. I&W never sleeps! Hooah!

Posted by: tfhr at December 28, 2006 04:43 AM