Female Deputy Has Hard-On For Hard-Ons

One of the stupidest trials in recent memory came to an end here in Broward County the other day, and the delicate sensibilities of Broward County Sheriff's Deputy Coryus Veal were upheld: prisoner Terry Lee Anderson got 60 extra days in jail for beating his meat in his cell. He is the eighth prisoner against whom this fragile flower has sought criminal charges for this act. Her chicken-choking radar is a finely calibrated instrument. A dim-witted jury bought into the notion that since a jail cell is a limited access public place, then jail cell masturbation must constitute indecent exposure. I wonder how they, and Deputy Veal, dew-covered rose petal that she is, are able to reconcile that with the reality that there are commodes in each cell into which pantless inmates defecate and urinate in front of God and everybody, including the aforementioned fair damsel. The shower room is also a limited access public place, and one can only imagine how she's coping with these males' daily naked ablutions and the possibility they might lather their genitalia just a little too long.

Yes, Mr. Anderson is a pig, and it would have been preferable for him to have been a pig in a blanket if he was going to masturbate in his cell, but for Sheriff Jenne to allow a prisoner's not treating an officer like a lady to wind up in the criminal courts is simply ridiculous.

All I can say to Coryus Veal is, "Lady, you're in the wrong damn job."

A Broward prisoner accused of committing a sex act while he was alone in his jail cell was found guilty Tuesday of indecent exposure.

Terry Lee Alexander, 20, unsuccessfully fought the charge, which had been brought by a female Broward Sheriff's detention deputy who saw him perform the sex act in his cell in November.

In reaching the guilty verdict, jurors found that an inmate's jail cell is ''a limited access public place'' where exposing oneself is against the law.

The judge sentenced Alexander, of Lauderdale Lakes, to 60 days in jail, on top of the 10-year sentence he is currently serving for armed robbery.

The sole witness in the case, BSO Deputy Coryus Veal, testified that Alexander did not try to hide what he was doing as most prisoners do. Veal saw him perform the act while she was working in a glass-enclosed master control room, 100 feet from Alexander's cell. There was no video tape or other witnesses.

Alexander's attorney argued that the prison cell was a private place and that what Alexander was doing was perfectly normal.

''Did other inmates start masturbating because of Mr. Alexander?'' Kathleen McHugh asked Veal. ``Did you call a SWAT team?''

''I wish I had,'' answered Veal.

Veal, who has charged seven other inmates with the same offense, insisted that she was not against the act itself -- just the fact that Alexander was so blatant about it. Most inmates, she testified, do it in bed, under the blankets.

Veal said this was the third time she caught Alexander, and she had had enough.

In the end, it took a jury of four men and two women only 45 minutes to find Alexander guilty. Broward County Judge Fred Berman sentenced Alexander to 60 days in jail.

''It was pretty straightforward,'' said juror David Sherman. ``The prosecution's case was clear, and the defense did not dispute any of the major elements.''

Sherman said jurors determined that a prison cell, which is owned and operated by the government, is neither public nor private but is a ``limited access public place.''

He also said that none of the jurors had a problem with the sex act,per se.

The case drew snickers in the courtroom, especially during jury selection, when prospective jurors were quizzed about their own habits.

Defense attorney McHugh faced 17 prospective jurors and asked point-blank who among them had never performed that particular sex act.

No hands went up.

While most prisons deal with such an offense internally, Broward Sheriff Ken Jenne -- and Miami-Dade Corrections officials -- are hoping to curb the practice among inmates by prosecuting them.

Janelle Hall, a spokeswoman for Miami-Dade Corrections, said that while no charges have been brought against inmates, the department is working with State Attorney Katherine Fernández Rundle's office to discuss prosecution of such ''egregious'' cases in the jail.

''It has been a hot topic so to speak in our department,'' Hall said. ``In those cases that are egregious, where there is some sort of intent to deliberately expose themselves, those cases will be reviewed further in the courts.''

A spokesman for Broward State Attorney Michael Satz said prosecution is warranted when an inmate exposes himself in plain view of the detention staff or others.

''Female detention deputies are human beings, too. Why should they have to view such vulgar and indecent behavior in their place of work?'' said Satz spokesman Ron Ishoy.

Prosecutors filed charges in all seven of Veal's other cases, Ishoy said, but later dropped the charges in one of those cases to allow the defendant to begin his sentence in the state prison system on a more serious, unrelated charge.

Four of the defendants pleaded guilty to the charge of exposure and were sentenced to time served. Charges against two inmates are pending.

The State Attorney's Office did not have the number of cases involving inmates charged with indecent exposure in BSO jails.

And there was no information on whether similar charges had been brought against female inmates.

''When an inmate exposes [himself], it's up to the deputy's discretion how to handle it,'' said Elliot Cohen, a BSO spokesman. ``It can be a verbal reprimand to the filing of criminal charges.''

Teri Barbera, a spokeswoman for the Palm Beach County Sheriff's Office, said jail inmates there are written up for violating jail rules and subject to disciplinary actions.

As columnist Fred Grimm put it:

''It was very vulgar. Very indecent,'' Veal testified.

She was describing the crime but she could have been characterizing the prosecution, the trial, the verdict and the obscene, indecent, vulgar, lascivious, downright stupid waste of time and money.

If your county comes up with a stupider reason for a trial, let me know, but I think we'll be hanging on to the trophy for a while.

(Herald login/pswd=crockett@tubbs.com/miamivice.)