Magic Ducks

Working on the principle of aversion therapy, a novel approach to the treatment of chocoholism is undergoing a limited scientific trial in Rockdale County, Georgia:

Rockdale County deputies have made an unusual bust -- drugs in candy ducks!

Officials arrested Matthew Jackson, 20, of Covington for allegedly selling LSD and other hallucinogens baked into duck-shaped chocolate candy.

Authorities said the chocolate ducks were wrapped in silver and gold foil. Officials said a crushed sample of the chocolate revealed a large amount of a mushroom-like material mixed into the chocolate.

Officials with the Rockdale County Sheriff’s Department said they had never seen anything like it.

A search of Jackson’s vehicle revealed 74 more ducks in a cooler bag, officials said.

He remains in jail while awaiting a bond hearing. He is charged with the sale of LSD; sale of psilocin, the active ingredient in psilocybin mushrooms; and possession with intent to distribute psilocin.

Good work, Dr. Jackson! I've no doubt the paired associates of chocolate with the vomiting induced by the magic mushrooms will indeed help some addicted to theobroma cacao bring their chocoholism under control. As the groundbreaking field trials of Chocolate Ex-Lax in the 1970's proved when an association between chocolate and diarrhea was forever established in the minds of millions of Americans, aversion therapy can be a very effective tool in fighting this disease.

Next treatment in the pike: underwritten by Bed, Bath, and Beyond, a chocolate-scented gonorrhea-laden bodywash to bring the sensation of urinating ground glass into play.